like a month or two since i last dropped by. i guess my life has been too mundane for it to be of blogworthy attention. i packaged my time wisely playing bejewelled and watching countless tv shows before allowing a grace period of 3 hours for the preliminary heat to sink in and i fell into this black hole, and came out unscathed from all that intense mugging for about a week. alevels arent the same, i cant say i’ve been putting in as much effort as others, but i’ve been trying lately, i’ve progressed. (: thats a start right?
so there’s a reason why i havent been blogging, not that tumblr doesnt have amazing things to reblog, i come here pretty often, i just didnt reblog for godknowswhat reason, maybe its just part of the never ending procrastination cycle i seem to be on. :/
so i’m here, not reblogging. means something is up. when has something ever not been up. its been up for a while, confronting it will only make it real i s’pose. (: so i decided to man up and let things go a little. although i believe my man should never ever own a blog that talks about feelings (the bro code blog/lucas’ livejournal is pretty fine, thats where you draw the line) Dad confronted a life threatening situation a couple of weeks back, but he came back out strong just in time for deepavali (yay him!) and i started to think about life on the whole, you never know when you’re gonna lose someone dear to you. my dad and i, we’ve never been close. but when i knew he was hurting, it pained me. i never knew i could feel for him until then. i mean he’s always been concerned, our relationship was taken after the model one, the less you know, the better, and when you do come to know, you step in, you draw the line, you move out, hoping these lines arent crossed. and whenever i crossed any of these lines he carefully, subtly reminded me of repercussions. So i s’pose i was thankful for those things, and being concerned, and his longstanding role of providing for us. I treasure him more now that he’s back from the hospital, we talk more, we share more. its awkward, but its better than the 30 word limit of each day back then aint it? (:
so i was brought up as a single child, and i grew dependent on having friends to count on when something’s up. and then as i grew older i seemed to lose the hold i had on some of my friends. i try to control situations, and i end up controlling people. that’s why i perceive i have more male close friends, then females. After seeking opinions i came to a conclusion that i, have yet to meet my FBFF. and i dont think i’ll have one. with the men, there’s the bro code, and they value friendship alot more than women do. honestly, its alot to do with the shopping/precarious/frivolous nature of ours. we treat friendship like we treat everything else in our lives. i’m not any different but if you try to deny i’ll shoot you. (:
so yes when i see something like that slip by i hang on, until there comes a point where i have to let go. for now, i dont think i can ever be best friends with a female. i need my space, i cant be suffocated. but at the same time, i cant be left alone when you find other things to be occupied with. in my case its hard to find a balance. and it doesnt help when you have a mouth that shoots off like open fire. but there’s one thing i’d like to compliment myself on is how i like to confront my problems head on. i dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. honestly, im not the type to sit and wait. if there’s a problem, i’d prefer to solve it like mature adults, talking things out. friendship’s an involuntary reflex, not recycling material. if only people understood half the things they preach, i wouldnt be out here telling you whats the something thats been up.
and thats why life sucks, because everything you do goes full circle. and sometimes people just refuse to look at problems like adults and give you the biggest pain in the ass and in the head. you’re not doing anyone any favours
